In eight years’ time, Tony Abbott willing, I will qualify for the pension. In 16 days, God willing, I will become a dad again – 22 years after my son Courtney was born on a cold winter’s day in Sydney.
I am 57 years of age. My wife Vina is 45. In just over a fortnight we will become parents; she for the first time. Our son, Myles Dylan Chipperfield, is due to arrive in this world on June 12 at Adelaide’s Burnside War Memorial Hospital.
I was
tempted to give him an additional middle name: “7 per cent”. Despite all of the
advances in IVF technology, those are chances of a woman in her mid-40s
becoming pregnant in Australia today. Our fertility consultant was brutally
honest about our chances of conceiving a child. “Once you turn 40 the odds are
not good,” she told us. “The older you get, the smaller your chances of
conceiving become.”
It was like
a kick in the guts. But my fit, youthful wife was unfazed. “Someone has to be
in that 7 per cent band, why not us?” she said as we left the clinic. Vina, a
proud Black Brit, never doubted she would get pregnant. A steely determination
and a healthy lifestyle are two essential pre-requisites for an older wannabe
mum – alongside a tough skin.
The average age of mums (and dads) might be going up, but the prejudice against older parents persists – as do the plethora of myths and bunkum about IVF.
The average age of mums (and dads) might be going up, but the prejudice against older parents persists – as do the plethora of myths and bunkum about IVF.
IVF is
not a walk in the park. It is not a magic wand waved over the infertile. It has
nothing to do with designer babies or strange genetic experiments.
My wife endured three IVF cycles, countless hormone injections, scans, probes, disappointments and sleepless nights on her journey to a successful pregnancy. But I sometimes wonder whether these pale into insignificance against the negative mindset we sometimes encounter.
We have been accused of being selfish, irresponsible and even foolish for wanting a child at our age. Why is it that people cannot share our joy, rather than judge and condemn from afar?
I do not worry about my wife. She is made of sterner stuff, but I think about myself and the other older dads out there destined to endure snide remarks, withering stares or those clunky “Oh I thought you must be the grandad” jokes.
Even celebrity is no protection against this small mindedness. Singer Rod Stewart was roasted in the UK media when he became a dad (again) at the age of 66 and even Simon Cowell, the English TV personality, raised a few eyebrows when he became a father at the advanced age of 54. And let’s not mention Rupert Murdoch and his contribution.
“Isn’t there a nagging doubt that Rod Stewart might just be far too old to be a new father?” wrote Amanda Platell in the Daily Mail. “He’s heading for his 70s, for Heaven’s sake! If he were a mother who’d already had seven children we’d all be appalled.” Would we?
Judging by the demographic trends, Rod, Simon and myself are not statistical aberrations but foot soldiers in a new societal battle around fertility. We are living longer, and having children older. Indeed, one in 25 children born in Australia is now the result of an IVF process of one kind or another. Today, I am one old man with a pram, but I hope to live long enough to see the parks, crèches and schoolyards of Australia full of responsible, energetic older fathers with their happy, well-adjusted kids. Bring it on.
My wife endured three IVF cycles, countless hormone injections, scans, probes, disappointments and sleepless nights on her journey to a successful pregnancy. But I sometimes wonder whether these pale into insignificance against the negative mindset we sometimes encounter.
We have been accused of being selfish, irresponsible and even foolish for wanting a child at our age. Why is it that people cannot share our joy, rather than judge and condemn from afar?
I do not worry about my wife. She is made of sterner stuff, but I think about myself and the other older dads out there destined to endure snide remarks, withering stares or those clunky “Oh I thought you must be the grandad” jokes.
Even celebrity is no protection against this small mindedness. Singer Rod Stewart was roasted in the UK media when he became a dad (again) at the age of 66 and even Simon Cowell, the English TV personality, raised a few eyebrows when he became a father at the advanced age of 54. And let’s not mention Rupert Murdoch and his contribution.
“Isn’t there a nagging doubt that Rod Stewart might just be far too old to be a new father?” wrote Amanda Platell in the Daily Mail. “He’s heading for his 70s, for Heaven’s sake! If he were a mother who’d already had seven children we’d all be appalled.” Would we?
Judging by the demographic trends, Rod, Simon and myself are not statistical aberrations but foot soldiers in a new societal battle around fertility. We are living longer, and having children older. Indeed, one in 25 children born in Australia is now the result of an IVF process of one kind or another. Today, I am one old man with a pram, but I hope to live long enough to see the parks, crèches and schoolyards of Australia full of responsible, energetic older fathers with their happy, well-adjusted kids. Bring it on.
